


E%cuse Me: An Equius TF Story

by emissaryofrainbows



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Belly Kink, Burping, Character Transformation, Farting, Gross, Other, Stomach Ache, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:49:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emissaryofrainbows/pseuds/emissaryofrainbows
Summary: An aspiring athlete named Ed tries to improve his physique with a protein shake he ordered over the internet. It comes with some unexpected side effects. Not only does it slowly turn him into Homestuck’s Equius, but it gives him an awful case of gas too!





	E%cuse Me: An Equius TF Story

Ed had hit a plateau on his path to fitness. His physique hadn’t improved at all, even after months of intensive exercise.

Ed was of average height, with sandy blond hair, and a somewhat soft, but definitely handsome face, relatively clean-shaven, save for a small amount of pale lingering fuzz that clung to his chin. He was muscular, but not bulky, and he didn’t appear to have a single cell of fat on his entire body, save for his slightly flabby thighs. Despite his athleticism, he wasn’t satisfied with his current level of fitness. Working out simply wasn’t enough, he needed something else, to put him beyond…

He would never resort to using something like steroids, but he was open to things besides simply working out to improve his body. He went over to his computer, and ran a search for any kind of power, shake, or supplement which promised greater musculature to its user. He made sure that the sites selling them were reputable, and he thoroughly checked all of the reviews too. He was aware of how many of these products were straight-up scams.

He finally settled on a particular protein shake with universally positive reviews. The five-star reviews in question all shared a peculiarity typing style, where the word “strong” was always capitalized, and x’s were exchanged for %’s, but Ed assumed it was some kind of community in-joke that he wasn’t in on. There were some mentions of gastrointestinal distress, but the reviewers insisted that it was temporary, and that the benefits were so great as to make it worth it.

He immediately ordered a week’s shipment of the product. The website told him to expect it within the next 3-4 business days.

A crate of the stuff showed up at his door, right when it was promised. He lifted up the crate, and brought it inside, placing it down on his kitchen table. He tore the plastic off the box, and took a single bottle from within.

He read the instructions carefully. They were brief and to the point: “Shake well, drink one bottle an hour before before working out day for best results. Avoid eating until after you’ve finished your workout.”

He shook the bottle up and down, and then, unscrewed it, taking a quick look at its contents. It was filled with a viscous, opaque liquid, colored an unusual deep cerulean. It didn’t have any particular smell, nor taste, as Ed brought it up to his lips and began to drink. It was thick, like a milkshake, but too warm to be frozen. It might’ve been flavorless, but it didn’t actively offend his taste buds like some protein shakes he’d had, so he gulped it all down with relative ease. He wiped the rich blue residue from his lips, throwing the empty bottle into the garbage can. It landed perfectly in the center of the bin.

“Ugh…” Ed said. He began to feel uneasy, as the shake settled in his stomach. He could feel the dense liquid sloshing around. The reviewers were right about the gastrointestinal side effects, but that meant they also had to be right about them subsiding eventually. He began the several-block walk to his local gym, even though he was feeling increasingly bloated, his stomach beginning to produce an airy grumble…

He managed to keep it together, all the way down the block, and through the doors of the gym. His tummy troubles became too overwhelming, forcing him to duck into the men’s room, which, fortunately, was nearby.

He bolted into the nearest stall. Mercifully, there was nobody else around. He pulled down his shorts, and plopped his nude rear on the toilet. His lungs filled as he inhaled deeply, calming himself, allowing nature to take its course. To his surprise, nothing seemed to be happening. That was just his luck. He felt like he was about to explode all the way here, right up to the moment when he was finally in a place where it was safe to let loose. He squeezed, trying to force out at least a little of the gas that was causing his bloating, but nothing seemed to be happening.

Then, something began to happen, although it was far from what Ed wanted, or expected. His body felt warm, and tingly, like he was suddenly submerged in a hot tub full of seltzer water. He could feel his skin stretching too, like something was expanding underneath it. It wasn’t enough to be unpleasant, there was just a noticeable feeling of tautness, particularly around his biceps.

Ed looked down at his arms. “There’s no way…” he muttered. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His biceps were swelling visible in front of him. His already muscular arms became even more densely packed with muscle. Popped veins lined his arms, which had gained, in seconds, an amount of muscle that’d normally take months of training to obtain. By time they were done expanding, the bulky appendages looked like they could uproot trees.

His other muscles weren’t immune to this growth. His legs lengthened slightly, and the small amount of fat still left on his thighs was utterly vaporized, replaced with pure, bulging muscle. His toned stomach bulged with six…no, eight pack abs, which looked like they could deflect a bullet. His abdomen was just slightly rounded, as the pesky gas in his stomach hadn’t went away. His shoulders broadened, and with them came tight, impressive shoulder muscles.

His upper body sported a pair of protruding pecs. His tank top barely fit, straining to contain his near-instantaneous gains. His shorts had tightened, but they were faring much better. That is, until the final enhancement took place.

Ed had a perfectly serviceable cock, just above six inches when fully erect. His flaccid cock was now well above that. He was just short of literally hung like a horse. His shaft was unbelievably huge, so large that it went all the way down the length of his knee, falling out the bottom of his pant leg. His balls swelled up to a proportional size, each sphere just slightly larger than a grapefruit.

This definitely deserved a five-star review, even with the stomach issues still present. The bottle had instructed him to work out after using the project, so he left the bathroom, and returned to the gym. Could he get even more muscular from here? Ed couldn’t imagine what that’d even look like, but he was eager to see.

“Is it hot in here?” Ed said, beginning to sweat as he made his way towards the weights. No, the room was thoroughly air conditioned like it always was, so why was he sweating so profusely? Large beads of sweat poured from his every pour. His tank top was thoroughly soaked in a matter of seconds. Even worse, he was beginning to smell. He could look past that, he definitely wasn’t the only person in this gym who smelled of unwashed perspiration.

There was a mirror that stretched across the entire wall in front of him, so Ed could get a good look at his new body. His face had changed a bit too, his chin was more chiseled and angular, his cheekbones higher.

Now he was getting concerned. The previous changes only made him more muscular, or could be brushed off as side-effects. The facial changes were something else entirely, although he had to admit that he looked even more handsome this way.

He lifted up the nearest unused barbell. It had significantly more weight on it than he usually used, yet he could lift it up effortlessly. He placed a pair of 25 pound weights on either side, and he could still hurl it over his head with ease. He was still drenched in sweat, but not as the result of any kind of exhaustion.

The sweat must’ve been especially serve, as it looked like it was starting to coat his skin. Upon closer examination, Ed could see that a slight grey coloration was starting to appear underneath his skin, gradually pushing its way up towards the surface.

Ed’s nervousness caused his perspiration to become even more severe. The discoloration of his skin seemed to speed up as well. His entire skin was pale grey now, no trace of his peach-colored pigment remained.

“D–> This is e%tremely unusual,” Ed said. There was something strange about the words that came out of his mouth. Not only did his voice become deeper, but his vocabulary was different, and his pronunciation had changed too.

He realized that he was still holding the barbell. He let it fall from his hands. It plummeted towards the floor with enough force to create two small dents where it landed.

“D–> I’m sorry, that was e%ceptionally r00d of me,” he said to the surrounding gym members. His accidental damage to the floor wasn’t particularly offensive to the other patrons, though. His odor, his rattling stomach sounds, and alien appearance certainly were, however.

Ed looked back towards the mirror, as the final transformation began to take place. His hair grew long, straight, and dark, and from his new raven hair sprouted a pair of candy corn colored horns. They were fairly short, with tips like arrowheads. He reached out to touch one of them, to put a tactile sensation to this surreal experience. Unfortunately, he underestimated his own strength, and ended up snapping the tip of his horn off loudly. Luckily, it was completely painless.

The surrounding witnesses to Ed’s transformation were unsure of how to react. The ones within the range of his body odor moved out of it, and the rest just simply stared, not sure what to make of what they were seeing, or if it was even real. Many of the women in the gym were drawn to his enormous bulge, as well as some of the men.

Ed wasn’t sure what to do with himself . The shake certainly had made him larger and STRONGER, and the side effects weren’t exactly negative…well, besides the intestinal gas, that hadn’t gone away. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse. Ed’s new abs were stretched over his swelling gut, which’d definitely expanded at least an inch since the last time he checked.

He placed his large, muscular hand to his gut. It was incredibly rigid, like hard leather stretched over a football. He underestimated his strength once again, and the force of his hand merely brushing against his stomach forced some of that gas out.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

Ed’s burps were just as STRONG as his muscles. A rumbling belch surged from his throat, exploding out from between his lips with a sound that echoed through the entire gym. Most of the belch’s force was concentrated directly in front of him, where the mirror happened to be. The entire long mirror shattered instantly, from end to end, sending a cascade of shards down towards the floor.

Everyone by the weights immediately left, both because they didn’t want to step on broken glass, and because they didn’t want to have to smell the stench of Ed’s gas that now lingered in the air.

“D–> E%cuse me,” he said, making a mental note not to touch his stomach again. The swelling had gone down noticeably, at least. Unfortunately, there was nothing Ed could do to prevent his gas from coming out anymore.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFrrrRrrrrrrFrRRrrrTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

A dry fart ripped its way out from between Ed’s cheeks, persisting for several seconds before trailing off with a sound like a balloon deflating. Once again, the power of his body caused his gas to be especially potent. His fart collided with the chest press across from him, knocking the machine off its side, and sending a wave of hot ass stink hurdling towards anyone unfortunate enough to be in its path. Ed’s belches were raunchy, but his farts were downright dreadful. Ed’s sweaty ass caused the farts to carry a strong, musky odor with them, in addition to their usual smell, which was stomach-churning enough on its own.

“Come on, really?” one voice said, before storming out of the gym in disgust. Ed let out a series of bashful “sorry’s,” before his string of apologies was interrupted by a second belch. *UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP*. He was turned away from the mirror this time, but whichever direction he faced, something would end up destroyed. This time, it was the rack of weights. His eruction knocked them over, sending them clattering to the floor with an almost musical sound.

The few people who hadn’t gotten a whiff of Equius’s digestive fumes were familiar with them now.

“Disgusting,” a man said, fanning his nose. Ed recognized him as a regular at this gym, and one of the most massive people he’d ever known. Ed towered over him effortlessly now.

“D–>I apologize. I can’t help myself-”

His stomach was aching, and without thinking, he made the mistake of rubbing his hands against his tummy to relieve some of his pressure. His sentence was cut off once again, this time by a belch and fart bursting from either end of him simultaneously. *UUUUFFrrrrtTTUUUrrrTTTttRFfffUUUrrrTfffff* His fart toppled over the leg press machine, while only thing in the path of his belch was the person he was facing.

The man was sent flying across the room. He landed on the wood flooring, sore and bruised, but not injured severely. His discomfort was mostly olfactory. He’d been in the fog of Ed’s gas for the past few minutes, but taking a belch point-blank was something else entirely. The blast of humid gas penetrated his nostrils, letting him experience the full range of Ed’s belch-stench, whether he liked it or not.

The man wanted to scold Ed, or even straight-up punch him, but he decided against it. Not only was Ed far too large for him to take down, but getting payback would mean staying in the aftermath of Ed’s farts and burps even longer. He pinched his nose, and walked right out of the nearest exit.

Now, Ed was completely alone in the gym. It was somewhat freeing, the most harm he could do was to the equipment. He looked down at his stomach, which still stuck out several inches, and *GLORPED* ominously. He took a deep breath, and decided it was best to get it over with.

He went out of his way to apply extra force to his turgid tummy. His powerful hands pushed the remaining gas out all at once, in the form of a titanic fart.

Ed had heard of ripping ass, but this particular fart was powerful enough to quite literally tear through the back of his shorts. His ass was exposed, which looked like two boulders pushed tightly up against one another, due to their shape and size in addition to their color. His pants were left in tatters, the black fabric barely clinging to his crotch.

His fart cloud soared through the air, towards the back of the gym. Rows upon rows of treadmills were knocked over, before his gas finally collided with the wall. It left a hole on impact, and immersed the entire gym and a good amount of the surrounding area in Ed’s smelly ass haze. The stink was bad enough to disgust Ed himself, who up to now seemed to have an immunity to his own stench.

His stomach was completely flat now. All the gas was expelled, and his indigestion had subsided completely. Well, not entirely. He still had one final belch to let out, a brief but deep and rumbling *URP*.

The scrap of black fabric that covered Ed’s crotch like a fig leaf fell away, letting his immense dong dangle freely like a pendulum between his muscular thighs. A hot rush of blood filled his cheeks as he surveyed the damage he’d caused. If the mirror hadn’t been shattered, he’d have seen his face turning cerulean blue instead of red.

He felt a sudden instinct fill him. He couldn’t simply let these machines remain in their broken state. He had to fix them, and he had the knowledge to do it, somehow. He immediately went over to one of the treadmills. Not only had it been turned on its side, but the impact of his fart had left the screen broken. He knelt down, lowering his fingers delicately to the wires that stuck out from the shattered monitor…

What remained of the screen collapsed in on itself, and the circuitry within broke apart like glass. Ed got back up and shrugged. He’d been gifted with a vast knowledge of machinery, but he didn’t have the dexterity to use it.

Unsure of what else to do, he left the gym through the nearest exit, tearing the door off its hinges in the process.


End file.
